Here's a window to my why: The ABC’s of Daddy Daycare
A is for Anarchy, the political state that will immediately ensue the minute I leave the premises.
C is for Craigslist. If I find any new crap in our house upon my return, I’m going to lose whatever’s left of my mind. (C is also for crap.)
D is for Daddy. But it’s also for Don’t. And Discipline. (And if I think that Daddy will use the word “Don’t” or apply “Discipline” this weekend, I’m clearly Delusional.)
E is for Emergency. Please, for 24 hours, can we not have anyone wind up in a room preceded with this word?
F is for Farts. Without me around to ruin the fun, a tournament of Flatulence is sure to reach Olympic levels.
L is for LoJack. Which we should probably set up in case there is a sudden urge for an outing with kids. (Hide and seek loses a lot of the fun once Security Guards and Amber Alerts are involved.)
M is for Make up. At no point is anyone allowed to play in, apply or prance around in mine. Period.
N is for No. It’s a word I like to use often. Try it out on the kids. I promise they’ll still love you despite your deployment of it.
O is for Opportunity. Husband, this weekend is not your opportunity to start home improvement projects without me around to question them. If you have time to wield a hammer, the kids have time to light the house on fire.
P is for Pajamas. Feel free to change out of these at least once while I’m gone. Even if it’s only to change into clean pajamas.
Q is for Quiet. (OK, you got me. This word has nothing to do with my family. Psych!)
R is for Rules. Of which, I’m sure, there will be none in the House of M.
S is for Sharpie. Washable markers are bad enough; please don’t use the permanent ones. Besides, there will be plenty of time to be chiefed by your friends in college…no need to rush the experience and do it to yourselves now.
T is for Television. Alas, I know it will be on. All. Weekend. Long.
U is for UPS. Please don’t make any deliveries while I’m gone. I like being able to sneak my purchases into the house. If you want to keep seeing me on a regular basis, you are going to have to stay away until Monday morning. Otherwise the jig is up.
V is for Vacuum. Husband, if you were smart enough to marry me, you are smart enough to know how to use one of these. Try it out. You might actually like walking on a clean floor. You never know.
W is for Water. Please combine it with soap and apply you your bodies at some point during my 24 hour absence.
X is for XxXx. As in all the kisses you’ll get when I return. However at the moment I’m looking forward to loving y’all from a distance. Of 47.8 miles to be exact.
Y is for Yogurt. This is a food, not a toy. If the kids ask for it, make sure you ask them what they are planning to do with it. Seriously. I don’t want to have to repaint the walls yet again.